I only hear what I want to

Comfort Level

2004-09-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

a homeostatis is maintained
and I wait for changing moments
Day by day the sun and moon arise
but I am waiting
Changes occur I suppose
but significantly I cannot feel them within my life my future seems bleak and my future seems appropriate
or fitting some kind of mold
no one will remember me
I will be some distant unknown
ancestor
nothing worth any kind of value
Why does this learning occur
When will I use it
I want to know things
and I enjoy the knowledge
but socially, knowledgeably, creatively, historically I mean nothing
focus may shift
importance levels change
but my future seems appropriate
or fitting some kind of mold
The girl in search of meaning
The girl in search of faith
The girl in search of innovation
But ultimately fitting in.

In a dream I once had

2004-09-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

In a dream I once had
You were different to me
You talked to me little
but mostly you listened

Your focus on me
and less on your intensions
actions more important
golden like a dream

I thought to tell you everything
my everything my life
and you liked it and you loved it
and my eyes were always dry

You looked at me always
never ignored my words
Your voice always soft
and your eyes soft as well

My stomach never hurt this much
the tears never fell
your words only comforted
your arms softly held

In a dream I once had
You were different to me
You talked to me little
But mostly you listened

Untitled

2004-09-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes
when the world is bleak and humid
I fear I can't make it too far in this life

I fear my own insecurities
and my own confusion
will stiffle my creativity and intelliegence

My hands
may not be able to hold all the weight that is placed
and is pushing on them

My intellect shaddered by petty mistakes and by petty misshapen morals
and attitudes
I cannot bring myself to reject

Not enough time has gone by for it to seem over
Not enough time has gone by for my life to be shaped,
for my life to be made
and understood
and lived.

And all I want to see

2004-09-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

When the rain stops falling
and all you see is me
complicated fearful appauling
when what you see is me

will I still be her
will I still be your girl
will I still hold your heart
will you still love my scars
will I still be the one
will I still sing your song
will you still love my air
will you still brush my hair
will your hands touch me still
will you fall
will you break
forget it all
will you wait

the wind
stopped blowing
my hair stops flowing
just me and my eyes
skinned knees
will you rise walk away
leave me here
or will you stay
form a tear

when I say
I always will
will your hands
touch me still

If

2004-09-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

If I was in a cartoon
I would have flawless skin
and my hair would shine.

If I was short
I would wear high heels every day
and really long skirts.
Everyone would think I was tall.

If animals walked the Earth
and lived in houses
and smoked pipes
I think I'd smoke with them.

If every word I said meant something more
and every phrase was solid
full of expression and passion
stimulation
I think I would be heavenly.
I think you'd love me more.

I want to write a book

2004-09-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

and this is how it is going to start.

I want to write something real. I want to write something true. Do not think I am bigger than I am. I am not a myth. I am not the truth. I am a girl. I am a woman. I am a person; just like you. I am weird; just like you? I am pale. I am dark. I am true. Something emotional. Something passionate. Something true. Something glad and sad and mad and true. I want to write something real. I want to be something real. You will laugh and cry but mostly think. Mostly ponder. Mostly think. Mostly rationalize and evaluate. Mostly you will think I am crazy. At least you will wonder. At least you will.

Please, tell me what you think.